My Woman Tis of Thee, Sweet Land of You and Me.

This will be scattered thoughts. This will be a little bit of assanine mixed with a little bit of counting my chickens before the incubator even turns on. Quickly, but unsurely I am changing. It must be the change of scenery that's doing it to me. I can't say I can complain. At all.

Last night up in the hotel at Hampton, drunker than drunk, I had an epiphany. It wasn't a momentous event. It was over time; maybe an hour or two. But it happened. Maybe it was the episode of Simpsons Benny and I watched in which Homer learned that success came when he lived each day like it was his last. Maybe it was the heart to heart I had with Benny Case about our similar yet contrasting situations (while basically talking to him for the first time). Or maybe it was when I first opened up to someone I had feelings for in person. Either way, the drunkenness most likely brought it on. But at any rate, I didn't fully realize it until I got back to Massachusetts (by driving on the highway Cough Cough) that I had kicked my least favorite part of my innerself.

I have wasted 19 goddamn years fearing rejection, living in the past, and drowning in regret. And to be frank, "fed up" would be an understatement. I'm one of those guys who is on the bubble. I'm not attractive enough to win girls over with my handsome charm, and not quite ugly enough to have to make love to hoodrats. So naturally I need to work for everything. And until now I hadn't been. Introversion was my middle name, and anything I wasn't forced to share I would bottle up in this misshapen head of mine. But now I'm on what I've aptly titled a "Triet." Diet with a kick! Anything I want to say but never had; anything I want to do but had always been too scared to do unless I was inebriated has to be done. No rock will be left unturned. The "No, you shouldn't do/say that" pussy voice with a lisp is on a permanent holiday and will be returning nunca.

Basically, last night I found a way to bottle the loss of inhibition present with alcohol consumption and use it 24/7.

Complete with my newfound outlook on life, I went to work. Minus the work itself, it was probably one of the best nights at MB I've ever had. With no more fear of rejection, I tore that place a new asshole. Figuratively of course.

For the first time in my life I can say I'm in love; and mean it.