Five is a Four Letter Word.

I'm sore and tired, and can barely walk. You know what that means! My favorite portion of the summer has just begun. The park. That means I spent my night printing out flags of different countries and making charts on posterboards for the kids to have Olympics tomorrow. I love my job.

This might as well just be my last online journal entry ever. Nobody ever reads this, and something kinda clicked, and I realized that I just like letting people have a free peephole into my life and thoughts, nothing else. And what good is spewing thoughts if nobody is there to see/read them? What good is a prophet if they're lost? Get it? Get it? I'm lame.

Well, until next time. If there is a next time. If there isn't, it's been a great 3 years. Thanks for giving me a place to spill my randomness.

Time passages.

Barbz was probably right. She said I just "get girls to like me" so then if I think that a relationship would work out with us, I can go for it, with no fear of rejection. I never really thought of it that way, but it makes so much sense. Well...I DID do this anyways. I gave that shit up with a previous fiasco that went horribly wrong. I haven't felt challenged since then. Blah blah blah. I have an odd feeling that summer is just going to pass me by. It's two in the fucking morning. Why am I up and rambling about nonsensical unimportances? And why do I get so emotional every time I watch any goddamn movie ever? I'm such a sucker for Hollywood fables. And yet I'll never be apart of a storied romance. Hell, I'll be lucky to even ever have a serious relationship with a female. Love takes bravado with a side of balls. And apparently I lack both. Yes, I'd like cheese with this w(h)ine.

In other news, my cat broke my mom's screen last night and jumped out of her second floor window. There was a mark in the mulch where she landed. Stupid fuck. We're not letting her back in as we watched er get effed up the a by a male cat later in the afternoon. So along with the possibility of pregnancy, she'll probably have fleas. So long you sonofabitch.

The door is broken.

Last night while reading up on cunninglingus I had an epiphany. Nahhh, just kidding...about the epiphany, not the cunninglingus. I'm a creep, I know.

If my lovelife was a boat, it would be that WWII ship they just pulled out of the ocean; it sunk a loooong time ago.

This morning was my last day at MB. Maybe forever, maybe for a couple of months. Only time will tell. All I know is that last night my dumbass of a boss left me a note telling me to "fill the chicken case before I LEAF." Fucking idiot. That's the reason I quit. I can't stand stupidity. Or this meaningless rambling.

When life gives you lemons, limes, and berries, throw a party.

I injured my leg Monday. It still hurts to walk on it, but I had x-rays done and they said there is just a small crack and alot of deep bruising. So I'll be aiiight.

Noboby reads this, and that actually makes me smile.

I dropped 170 bucks on an amazing speaker system for my ipod complete with subwoofer that blows the roof off of my house. Haha, that just reminded me of new In Royal Company.

Dammit summer, I need to get drunk.

Yesterday the land went dry.

I'm in an awkward mood right now. I'm not sure of my emotions; and all I did all day was just lie in bed and think, besides the 30 minutes where I went outside and worked out. Yeah, weird, I know. I have two goals this summer. 1) Lose ten pounds, and 2) See my parents as little as possible, as this will mean I'm out doing things instead of being home at the computer.

I'm not sure if I like the fact that this week, rather, the next couple of days will most likely determine how my summer will turn out. Looks like I'll have to take Barbz' advice. Maaaaaah dawg.

Who does number 2 work for?

Fucking Amazing.

My Woman Tis of Thee, Sweet Land of You and Me.

This will be scattered thoughts. This will be a little bit of assanine mixed with a little bit of counting my chickens before the incubator even turns on. Quickly, but unsurely I am changing. It must be the change of scenery that's doing it to me. I can't say I can complain. At all.

Last night up in the hotel at Hampton, drunker than drunk, I had an epiphany. It wasn't a momentous event. It was over time; maybe an hour or two. But it happened. Maybe it was the episode of Simpsons Benny and I watched in which Homer learned that success came when he lived each day like it was his last. Maybe it was the heart to heart I had with Benny Case about our similar yet contrasting situations (while basically talking to him for the first time). Or maybe it was when I first opened up to someone I had feelings for in person. Either way, the drunkenness most likely brought it on. But at any rate, I didn't fully realize it until I got back to Massachusetts (by driving on the highway Cough Cough) that I had kicked my least favorite part of my innerself.

I have wasted 19 goddamn years fearing rejection, living in the past, and drowning in regret. And to be frank, "fed up" would be an understatement. I'm one of those guys who is on the bubble. I'm not attractive enough to win girls over with my handsome charm, and not quite ugly enough to have to make love to hoodrats. So naturally I need to work for everything. And until now I hadn't been. Introversion was my middle name, and anything I wasn't forced to share I would bottle up in this misshapen head of mine. But now I'm on what I've aptly titled a "Triet." Diet with a kick! Anything I want to say but never had; anything I want to do but had always been too scared to do unless I was inebriated has to be done. No rock will be left unturned. The "No, you shouldn't do/say that" pussy voice with a lisp is on a permanent holiday and will be returning nunca.

Basically, last night I found a way to bottle the loss of inhibition present with alcohol consumption and use it 24/7.

Complete with my newfound outlook on life, I went to work. Minus the work itself, it was probably one of the best nights at MB I've ever had. With no more fear of rejection, I tore that place a new asshole. Figuratively of course.

For the first time in my life I can say I'm in love; and mean it.

And We All Return to Our Roots

I told myself that tonight would be my last night working at Market Basket. I planned on leaving a note after I finished my work, and walking out those automatic doors, never to return. But now I have second thoughts. Should I just stick around for the next week and a half and fulfill my two week notice so I have the chance to come back after the summer? I mean, after all, that place has bowed down to me many times, as in last night when the front end manager came up and hugged me, apologizing for yelling at me Saturday night when I didn't show up, saying that it wasn't my fault. Fuck it. I'll stick around. I hate that I'm indecisive, but at least I'm doing the right thing.

Regardless of my choice tonight, I am going up to the beach tomorrow and getting so drunk I fall in the sand and roll around like a beached whale.

Signal the Riflemen

Well, it's apparent that nobody will read this "blog," which may end up being a blessing in disguise. At least now I'll have somewhere to spew my words more freely and not worry about the consequences of my trashy phrases. Ohhhhhh how superfluous I am. That really fits my personality well if you think about it. I lack substance so try and flower myself up with gimmicks and accessories. No wonder why it's one of my favorite words.

Graduation for FHS seniors was last night. Just the thought of some of the most influential girls in my high school life leaving high school and in a sense leaving me for good hit me like a careening wrecking ball. But at the same time, it's allowing me to slowly slither out of the hallowed halls of FHS, and reside in the now, or at least...in the recent past.

This summer I'm going to do everything I always wished I had. Or at least, that's my plan. Whether I follow through with it or not is a completely different matter. I'm sure I'll need a little motivation, so that's where you come in. And that's ustedes, not usted, or tu, fyi.

If you've read this, please leave a comment with the first letter of your first name. Thanks.